the now.

now
we've got the sun
to clear away the clouds
So why look back
when there's a stunning blazing so amazing
now

-SHeDAISY

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders
that even you cannot feel them upon your backs
-Mosiah 24.14

Lately we've had the chance to meet up with friends from our dating/newlywed days. This has meant lots of catching up, which inevitably includes briefings on Janie and what might or might not be in store for her.

And I noticed something different. About me. About how I feel about all of that these days.

It doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore.

When we were first plunged into the reality that Janie was facing some challenges, the future very often seemed daunting. It felt as though an Oklahoma dust storm had swept across what had once been a panorama of possibilities, leaving everything covered with a heavy mixture of concerns, grief and apprehension. Our future with her felt like a great unknown. Would she be healthy? Would she talk, walk, go to college, get married? What will she be able to do in two years... ten years, twenty, fifty? I tried to keep the most painful possibilities from my mind, while at the same time trying to steel myself should the worst come into view.

Tears seemed to help clear some of the dust away. Followed by prayers. Repeat.

At least that's what seemed to happen at first.

Gradually, there were less tears. A few angels came along to make things clearer.
And faith came, little by little, like rain, washing more of the dust away.

Some of the dust just seemed to settle. We still don't know everything. But we have so much. She is healthy and she laughs often and SHE IS HERE. And she is progressing.

Now, when I think about the future with Janie, I am not afraid. I feel grateful for every day I get to be a mother, get to be her mother. It doesn't seem so hard to carry her everywhere. I don't get frustrated with the chunk of time and effort it sometimes takes to prepare her food and feed it to her. I know that she is part of the plan for my life. I know that she was sent to me, maybe even for me. To help me become.

yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease
and they did submit cheerfully and with patience
to all the will of the Lord.
-Mosiah 24:15

Rediscovering your bliss
is the sweetest part of this
...
right now
we've got the Son
to clear away the clouds
So why look back when there's a stunning blazing so amazing
now

-SHeDAISY
[with a tweak or two]