my campaign for real beauty

I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command—such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Allow me to introduce
my
darling, devoted, sassy-yet-soft, radiant and bright [she just glows!]
sister from another mister



Janelle

One powerful life lesson for me intensified when Janelle became a part of it.
When Dan and Janelle were dating, Janelle was going to school almost two hours away. Consequently, her Friday nights were spent speeding home for a weekend with Dan. They were always off and away when Jason and I showed up to hang out or stay the night at Jason’s parent’s house. So when Dan and Janelle’s engagement was announced, I couldn’t help feeling some apprehension. I didn’t know much of anything about this girl who would be my new sister and the newest Case daughter
[after four sons, daughters were quite the novelty].
At some point, someone mentioned that she had been a cheerleader back in high school, and somehow that small fact became a reference point for me in trying to discern Janelle.
Thinking back to cheerleaders I knew in high school, I hoped Janelle would not be distant, unresponsive or uninterested. I feared that she would be confident, bubbly, poised; qualities I came up short on and wasn’t sure how I could compare with. The more I viewed Janelle in the lens of my preconceived perceptions, the more intimidated, hesitant and cautious I felt around her. What I didn’t realize then was that all my worry and insecurity probably made me seem like the one who was aloof and indifferent.

A little over a year later, Dan and Janelle bought a house. One Spring day Jason informed me that, knowing our tuition-induced financial situation, they had graciously invited us to live on the lower floor of their new home. Though I knew we needed the help, I was resistant. I wasn’t sure how well it would work out, and I was sure Janelle was being coerced into the whole idea against her will.
Then one day our mother-in-law told me about a conversation she’d had with Janelle. Janelle had expressed that she hoped we would come live with them, “because it would be fun, and it would help them out,” she was reported to have said. Hearing Janelle’s affirmations created a mix of emotions in me: humility at her desire to help us and awe at their unsparing generosity. My reservations dissolved and I finally agreed. We moved in with them that summer.
Each day when I came home from work, Janelle was there and we would play with little Bailee and often end up talking the afternoon away until the guys got home.
My former estimations of who Janelle might be melted away in the warmth of her consideration, her listening ear, her modesty. She is gracious and reassuring. She makes people feel comfortable around her. I had expected to find someone who was completely self-assured. Instead, Janelle is completely unassuming. She is just one of those people who will never really know how much goodness is in them, even when you try to tell them. Coming to know Janelle reaffirmed to me that I should be careful not to let stereotypes color the lenses that I use when I meet people, that we as people are very often more alike than we are different, and that no one is ever without insecurities and personal struggles.

She’s somebody’s hero,
a hero to her baby with a skinned-up knee, a little kiss is all she needs.
The keeper of the Cheerios,
the voice that bring Snow White to life,
bedtime stories every night

These are a few lines from a song that played on country radio a few years ago. It always made me think of Janelle. Living with them during their first year of parenthood, I got to watch Janelle firsthand as a mother. She gives everything in this role, even when she was forced to divide her time as a working mom. When she arrived to pick up Bailee from Grandma each afternoon, no matter what her day had been like, Bailee was inundated with all the adoration and affection a 5’4” Special Education teacher could rally [or that a baby could handle!] Bailee, bless her heart, was no easy baby [though as a doting aunt I hardly noticed] and, bless her heart, has more recently undergone the “formidable fours,” taking her mother along for quite a ride. As tantrum horror stories were retold at family gatherings, I tried to reassure Janelle that Bailee most likely tested her the most because she knew that Janelle’s love would still be there, the foundation of the predictability that young children yearn for.



Later,
the song says,
giving all her love to [her children] was her life’s ambition.”

This, more than anything, describes what you see when you watch Janelle in her element, as a mother.



Janelle also seems to have been destined to leave footprints on the lives of those with special needs, for even though she no longer teaches in a classroom, there are more than a few special souls still within her sphere of influence. She has special gifts for loving them. I love to watch her with Janie. Bailee and Afton have learned from her how to love Janie. And I love to watch them with Janie, watch them love her the way they learned from their mom.



Dan knows [but sometimes I like to remind him] that he could not do better than Janelle. She is so supportive of him, and I have seen her develop many specialties [up to and including crazy/good Black Friday shopping!] in the role of being a supportive wife.



I once made the comment that Janelle has “just enough sass to keep things interesting.” When Janelle feels strongly about something, she speaks up. She is careful, she is wise, she is judicious. She never forces her opinions on others. But when she speaks up, I listen, because I know that she considers carefully. At the same time, Janelle sometimes responds with silence, and I know that this is something she has been trying to master. I know from experience that this way often takes more faith, courage and strength, and I find myself drawing from her example of this in my life.
I feel sure it was this kind of strength that helped her train for and finish the half marathon she ran last weekend, even after sustaining a foot injury during the course of a rigorous training schedule and against the advisement of a doctor that she forgo the race.

I like to think that's the sass shining through.
Because shine she does.


And now the moment you've really been waiting for ... Janelle!

Share some ways you see your family in you.

Growing up, I was constantly watching my mom give and give for us and for others. I don't think I am all the way there, but I try to keep that in mind when I see someone in need. I am always thinking "what would my mom do" when I have a problem with my girls.

Tell about your name.

When I was born, my mom was going to name me Lisa Dawn Packer, but my aunt Carmen (my mom's sister) came to the hospital to see me and told my mom that she would name me Janelle. After my mom, Janine, and my great aunt Nellie. I have met my great aunt Nellie and I am so proud to also have her name. She is a beautiful, funny, and faithful woman. And who wouldn't want to be named after their mom?

What physical features or personality traits do you share with other family members?

I have my grandma Spencer's (my mom's mom) eyes, my dad's feet, I look a lot like my sister, Katie - even my aunts and uncles and one time my grandma Packer got us mixed up!

One thing I love about my mother is…

She NEVER complains! She has a lot of health issues and things going on that I would not handle well.

What gifts, talents or attributes do you have that came from someone/somewhere in your family heritage?

My mom and I both play the piano. My grandma Spencer taught my mom and my mom taught me.

Who are the most influential women in your life?

My motherS and all my sisters (including sisters-in-law). I love how I can talk to them about anything and know they will give me good advice, but still reassure me that I will do fine. They are all such spiritual giants that they will remind me to include Heavenly Father in my trials.

Who are (or have been) your mentors and how have they influenced your journey?

My young women leaders were all great mentors to me growing up. They were not afraid to tell me when they knew I could do better and I took it as a challenge to try and make them proud.

My mother thinks I am…

compassionate

Tell about a time when you were willing to take a risk because you had the support of a friend(s).

I was blessed to have strong friends in high school. All four of us had the same standards and we were never worried to leave if any of us had a bad feeling about being somewhere. We knew that we could trust each other and not worry about being looked down on by each other. It made it so we didn't care one bit about what other people thought of us because we had each other. We ended up switching a lot of our groups of friends because they would go down a different path than we wanted.

People tell me I look like...
Michelle Pfeiffer or Katie Holmes. I don't see either one.

What do you feel are your greatest accomplishments?

I was valedictorian for the Special Ed department for Utah State. I worked really hard in college, so that was good to have. I would like to take credit for a lot of what my girls say and do... but then I might have to take a lot of the blame, also. So I will just say that delivering both of them were the greatest accomplishments thus far.

What are your most memorable experiences?

these are mostly church related.. baptism, first time doing baptisms for the dead, graduating high school and college, endowments, getting sealed to Dan, having my kids.

My favorite nickname is…

Nelle, my brother and his friends would always call me that and then it spread from there. I don't think my brother has called me anything different since then. I loved when he would call from college or the few times on his mission and I would hear his voice saying "Hey nelle! how are you?"

I feel good about myself when I see...

Bailee or Afton show compassion towards each other without being "coached"

What makes you feel strong?

When I hold my tongue - I sometimes get carried away with saying some sassy things when I really shouldn't. I have been trying really hard to keep it in and I feel very good about myself when I do.

What are some things that come easy to you? (strengths, abilities, talents, understandings, convictions, etc. that you know you’ve always had)

I am a pretty good conversationalist. I don't usually have a hard time asking questions or talking about different topics. I have always had a strong conviction of the Word of Wisdom and have never swayed on my belief of it.

What are 3 things that get in your way every day?

Getting dressed. I hate choosing what to wear. I wish I could wear the same thing every day and no one would notice.

Bailee's tantrums really slow things down.

Afton has to change her clothes every time she goes to the bathroom and that also takes a lot of time throughout the day.

I am passionate about…

Being honest

What was/is the best job you've ever had? Why?

I really liked being a Special Ed teacher. I learned so much from so many people. I loved interacting with the kids and seeing them accomplish something we had been working on for a long time.

What makes you happiest?
When my family is together and happy

What makes you sad?

When someone is dishonest with me

What is a quirk you have?

I get really irritable and grouchy when I don't eat every few hours.

What is hardest for you to overcome in loving your physical body?

my thighs and stomach...? is that what you are asking? :)

What do you love about your body?
That I didn't get stretch marks with my pregnancies.. I don't have a lot of hair on my arms haha that is kind of weird now that i think about it!

What do you most enjoy doing with your family/people you love?
I love going places and experiencing different things. libraries, parks, museums, zoos, swimming. anything that includes everyone and makes the kiddos happy.

What things do you find fulfilling?

Reading the children's scriptures to Bailee is very fulfilling to me. She understands it and has such a love and passion to learn about Jesus. She has ALWAYS known that Jesus is special and also knows that I will push off bedtime if she asks me to read the scriptures to her.

If you could write a letter to you and send it back in time, what age would you write it for and what are a few things you would say to yourself?

Boys are not worth the time and emotion you put into them until you are at least 20!

How have you learned who you really are?

By answering these questions and having to "dig deep" to figure out more about myself!

Tell about an experience where you were able to help someone in need and how it affected your life/your feelings about yourself/your views.

When I was about 10 my friend told me that they weren't going to have a Christmas that year. So I spoke to my family about it and we planned a yard sale. All of the money we earned from that we spent on that family for Christmas. I donated a lot of my clothes and toys and things that were special to me so we could earn enough money. I loved when I would see my friend and she was wearing one of the shirts we bought her. She told me that her parents were crying the day they found the bags of presents at their door. That really strengthened my belief of giving.

What things do you find joy in creating?

I have been trying to learn how to sew and I am still just working with the basics. I really liked making my girls blankets and a couple of other things.

How do you plan/hope to help your own children understand their own identity, both in their family and in the world?

With A LOT of prayer!!
I think it helps Bailee if I tell her a lot about experiences I had when I was little and also things she did when she was little. It reminds her that we are different, but still go through the same things and may act the same or not. When she is faced with a decision, she usually asks me what I would do and I explain to her what I would choose and why, but that she can always make her own choice for her own reasons.



Thanks so much Janelle.
Love you!